Category: Humor Vault

Plato: For the Form of the Good.

Karl Marx: It was historically inevitable.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

I am STEVE CASE, your LORD, THY AOL GOD, which have BROUGHT THEE OUT OF THE LAND OF INTERNET RELAY CHAT, OUT OF THE BONDAGE OF COMPUSERVE...

A prayer:

1. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

2. Double your drive space. Delete Windows.

3. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

1) Cover your stump before you hump

2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie

The weather was weary one warm winter day
Inside at my 'puter I started to play
I logged on to see my mailbox was crammed
In horror I gasped, I had been spammed!

You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO (jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be turned off once it was turned on.

Darwin Awards are (by definition) granted posthumously. This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

Here is another stupid news story from the Darwin Awards:

Only reality could be this funny... Pillsbury Dough Boy Wanted for Attempted Murder.

Michigan, USA.

Guy buys brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments.  He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go do some male bonding.  They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen.

These awards are given each year to bestow upon, (the remains of), that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Note there was great improvement in the areas of teamwork and cooperation among the candidates in 1997-- it's no longer an individual sport.

Here are (drum roll, if you please) the 1997 runners-up & winners: