Category: Humor Vault

The 'Car Talk' show (on NPR) with Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers have a feature called the 'Puzzler', and their most recent 'Puzzler' was about the Battle of Agincourt. The French, who were overwhelmingly favored to win the battle, threatened to cut a certain body part off of all captured English soldiers so that they could never fight again. The English won in a major upset and waved the body part in question at the French in defiance. The puzzler was: What was this body part? This is the answer submitted by a listener:

Warning: Quite profane.

In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

Somebody left a glass of milk next to the keyboard. Reaction?

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Futurist: The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.

Log On: Making the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don't add wood.

Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

I did not kill my lovely wife
I did not slash her with a knife
I did not bonk her on the head
I did not know that she was dead